The Simple Science of a Happy Family

From raising children to getting along with in-laws, what do people with close and loving families do differently than those with strained or unfulfilling relationships? Sociologists, therapists, and psychiatrists have spent entire careers investigating the ins and outs of family dynamics, yet their findings are inaccessible to ordinary people, hidden in obscure journals to be shared with other experts. Now, David Niven, the international bestselling author of The 100 Simple Secret series has collected the most current and significant data from more than a thousand of the best scientific studies on families and then spelled out the findings in plain English.

The advice is based not on one person's unique experiences or opinions, but offers for the first time the research of noted scientists studying average American families. These findings have been boiled down to one hundred essential ways to find and maintain love, joy, and satisfaction in all family relationships. Each statistic is accompanied by a true story about a real family showing the results in action.

Don't Forget the Past: Parents who share stories of family history with their children create higher levels of concern for family members and increase the likelihood of their children's happiness.

No Price Tag: Once basic necessities are met, the increasing economic status of one's family has zero effect on the likelihood of feeling satisfied with life.

Let Every Opinion Be Heard: Senior citizens having trouble living in their own homes are 84 percent more likely to be satisfied with their housing situation if they feel as if their concerns are an important part of selecting a new home or facility.

The Greatest Gift: Life satisfaction is 72 percent more likely among those who feel content with their family life.

Looked at from a distance, a family is infinitely complex. But looked at from the most basic level, a family is a series of personal relationships, and those relationships are like any other close, important relationship in your life. Treat your family members as you would treat a friend -- as if you have chosen to be in their company and wish them to choose to be in yours -- and you will have taken the most important, most fundamental step toward having a rewarding family life.

Looking back fifteen years ago, Briana remembers what it was like to not quite fit in. "I was brainy, and I didn't get in trouble," Briana says of her early teen years. "There were a lot of kids around me who didn't understand that, didn't respect that. I refused to do the things that might gain me more acceptance, but I was crushed by the feeling of being left out."

But Briana's mother was there to offer comfort and support. "I thought I would never survive those years, but my mother wisely made our home a sanctuary where I could talk about my troubles. She always listened carefully, no matter how trivial or monumental my worries. Her faith in me helped me gain confidence in my abilities today. I walk to my own beat with pride because of her."

Briana says what her mother offered mostly was friendship. "She's the ultimate friend. She's there for me. She's on my side. She let me be me, and embraced me for it."

While making other friends was easier after her middleschool trials, Briana never forgot the lesson in friendship from her mother. "My mom has made the world a better place for many people. I only hope to do the same in time."

Researchers studying those who enjoyed close family relationships and close friendships find that the key factors to both are the same, including a strong desire to be in the company of others and to value them. Moreover, they find that people can increase their receptivity to close relationships if they want to.
Pike and Atzaba-Poria 2003